Anthology to Medea

She took off those glasses that painted her world in fake beauty and she screamed…Medea screamed through time and space, until every spell we are under is broken. We didn’t hear it, we felt it. ~Kaycee

It is now known as Rioni, that place where Medea learned natural magic. It used to be known as the River Phasis at Colchis in modern day Georgia. When the spell was broken, whether it was Aphrodite who placed it or the society that stripped away her power through conditioning, her recourse painted her reclamation of her own power as vile. Evil. Dangerous. Such that even today, a woman knowing herself, her desires, and initiating herself into the mysteries grants her titles that signify her as ‘other’. As outsider. Not belonging. And still very much dangerous.

Correspondences

LineageDescendant of Helios, Priestess or Daughter of Hekate, Born to Aeetes (Argonautica)
PlanetSaturn, Pluto
ZodiacScorpio
StoneObsidian, Onyx, Jet, Garnet
PlantsThyme, Almond, Mullein, Orris Root, Datura*, Foxglove*, Skullcap (*denotes poison/toxic plant – unless you are skilled or have experience working with this plant it is not recommended for use).

Becoming Medea

A little known truth is the faces of the Goddess appear to us all at different times. We find ourselves channeling their energy, adding our own flavor to it in the process. We connect, identify, and understand the stories through our own experiences. Medea appeared to me, much like Hekate, when the only option that remained was a hole I could either remain in forever or I could learn to excavate the garden where I planted all my own unrealized dreams – and nourish those instead.

The pieces we carve out of ourselves either become a womb or a tomb. That choice is ours.

The Pain of Betrayal

Betrayals are soul wounds we often overlook. We feel the loss, in our humanity it reveals itself in rage, anger, desire to mount ‘return to sender’ spells, and grief that presents physical symptoms in the body. However, what Medea brought forward wasn’t just that I had been conditioned to believe certain things were what I wanted. She didn’t just let the patriarchal glasses fall from my face. She made me revisit every time I betrayed myself. Every time I didn’t want to rock the boat. Every time I didn’t stand up for myself because I thought peace was more important. She stood over me in the middle of the night, not allowing me to rest because my silence meant I was complicit in betrayals too. Not because she wanted to cause me pain or reopen old wounds, but because those wounds never healed properly and were festering. What do you call a woman who can create serums, heal necrotic soul wounds, stand her ground, and break out completely?

Dangerous.

They call her Dangerous. And that I am.

Photo Credit: Ivan Babydov via Pexels

A Personal Journey with Medea ~ Rayne

My perception of Medea and the way she has introduced herself to me feels much like looking directly into a mirror that is magnified times 100 with the best lighting possible. Then sometimes she just steps back to watch me squirm and figure out the mess I just created. AGAIN. It’s like if I took my whole face and stared into the mirror, I wouldn’t be able to see the parts of my face or even know what I’m looking at because it’s so close. When I look at how I relate to Medea it’s just like that.

It’s too close. It’s uncomfortable. I am EXPOSED!

Being Exposed

I am blessed or cursed with Saturn in Virgo, which means that I have this gift for identifying what is amiss (in myself and others) and exposing it. Let’s just say that is not very comfortable for me or others who ask for my help sometimes, but it is magik and it CAN be healing. Between the times of my teens and twenties, that gift caused more harm than healing. I did not like to feel exposed especially if it was something I was insecure about. This is where I identify with Medea deeply. I was reactionary, bold and passionate about my pain. And that shit was all YOUR FAULT. I was a victim and could never take responsibility for my part in the matter or my healing. I often blamed others and had a victim mentality. I gave away my power easily because I could not control my emotions.

They were BIG AND BAD.

Looking Underneath

Underneath my projections was a very insecure, wounded person looking for love and acceptance, but it came out as that righteous anger coupled with trauma and betrayal. I was severely bullied and manipulated by others with no one to protect me from it for almost my entire childhood and adolescence. My anger was always beneath the surface ready to come out and rear its ugly head at the smallest perceived slight. I was like a dormant volcano waiting for the moment I could blow.

Photo of Kim Krans “The Bridge” from the Wild Unknown Archetypes deck.

The Bridge to Acceptance

My pain and feelings of betrayal had complete control over me. Add alcohol to that and you have a very violent storm that is Rayne to deal with. I burned many bridges with family and friends during those years. After some close calls with death and incarceration, I learned I needed to face my pain and anger so that they never had control over me again. I had to learn and work with many tools to dissolve anger and learn to communicate in a productive way. I have worked hard with the help of my divine connections, ancestors, and guides to heal those parts of myself. I work with that magik rather than against it. Medea is that bridge between me and the acceptance of my illusion of control over my dreams.

From Betrayal, A Blessing

When I had my first Saturn return, I was 28, sober, educated, spiritually and socially connected. I was unstoppable. Or so I thought…

ENTER MEDEA

I met whom I thought was the last man I would ever love in the rooms of AA. We were unstoppable. We never fought and for me that’s saying something. He was perfect and kind and so good to me. He was stability. In my head I knew I would marry him and become his wife and mother of his children the first moment I saw him. It was a strange feeling. I had a home of my own, a career, and I was ready for the next step in my life. I didn’t even think twice about trusting him with my life and happiness. I left everything I had built on my own for him and for us.

Photo credit: Pixabay
I had plans, don’t ya know. I had big dreams. I was in control.

We dated for a couple of years and started to want more. He brought up marriage and children and we both agreed we wanted those things. We never officially got engaged, but the plans to do so were there for the end of the year when he got his big settlement for retirement. We immediately started trying to get pregnant. All my dreams were coming true, and plans were under control. Until they weren’t. I started having dreams of him being unfaithful. I even told him about the dreams I had, and he assured me that I WAS CRAZY. Looking back now, when I accepted his stories even though I knew better, I know now I was the one who betrayed myself. I wanted my dreams more than the reality.

A woman’s intuition never lies.

The Blessing

He was cheating. When I confronted him for the last time, he still denied it. Even to this day he does (even though he married one of the women and had their first child when ours was three months old). We separated and broke up. Two weeks later when I went to Planned Parenthood to do an STD panel, I found out I was pregnant. It was the worst and best news of my life. I had to make a choice to not only take responsibility for myself but also for the life that was growing inside of me. I had to do that amid feeling all the loss of dreams and betrayal. It was not easy. He was taking my first pregnancy bliss away from me, he was making me do it alone, he was giving this person all the shit I worked hard for by doing EVERYTHING for him to help him grow and heal the last three years. She got the ring, the house, the family. There was one point of weakness where I questioned going through with the pregnancy, but it passed swiftly, mostly because I was ready to be a mother with or without him.

HE WAS NOT GOING TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME.

Shifting Focus

I worked through the pain by focusing on my blessings. I know now that my child was and always will be my greatest teacher. Honestly, I don’t think I have ever really processed the anger and the loss of my dreams when it comes to that time and situation in my life because I just shifted my focus to being the best mother I could be. Saturn and Medea are now helping me with that.

Shifting focus is a superpower, but sometimes it can work against you.

I have NO trust for men. ZERO! That means that resentment has power over me. I must remember that nothing should have that kind of power over me if I want to be in my magik and if I want to be free. If something painful comes into our lives and we don’t acknowledge it, it WILL come back to bite us in the ass. Medea says, “It’s time.”

Photo Credit: Cottonbro via Pexels

When She Calls You Out ~ Personal Journey with Aikat

I think Medea walks around with a permanent mirror in her hand and she doesn’t hesitate to flash it in front of us.

She knows how to reveal to us a reflection that is more like a smack in the face. You see, I was complaining about various people. She held that mirror and told me straight up: WASN’T THIS YOU A FEW YEARS BACK, talking from a place of pain, yet you stand here today judging others?

ooooffff that was hard to swallow.  

Medea didn’t hold back. 

Anger & Pain

The disappointment of my entire life being a lie and being dis-empowered, just like Medea, fueled my anger and my pain. The anger was the catalyst that drove me to take my life back. The dis-empowerment came from my mother yanking me from the Voodoo tradition, taking me to some wacky ass priest for some crazy ass ritual, and placing a bond on me. I spent 15 years lost until my mother died and the bond was lifted. Then another 20+ years spiraling because she died. Through everything though, I did discover a powerful weapon: expectations. Expectations were my catalyst for further disappointment.  Hekate came in clutch in helping me earn the key to letting go of expectations. 

Ownership

Medea came for me with my health as well. I landed myself in the hospital. That is correct. Me. Self-inflicted because of choices I made with regard to my health. She made me own it:  I got lazy.  A year or so ago I went back to the sugar in my coffee/tea (which also meant I drank less water) and eating meat again. It all caught up to me, which landed me in the ER with inflamed intestines and gallbladder. She knows the poisons.

She was there, calling me out. 

Since I stopped the meat and sugar I haven’t had any pains.  I am back to logging food and drink intake.   She showed me how I messed up then gave me the encouragement to fix it. 

Relationship

The relationship to my body what I was putting in it was not the only one I needed to review. The people I surround myself with needed a review too.  People I feel I am outgrowing.  They stuck on the drama train, and I am leaving that behind. It was people that I thought I would grow with, friends I thought I was making, but that’s not the case. I wish I could say it was just leaving people behind that couldn’t come on this journey, but what about those that I must hold space for?

Is Medea just here to make me learn everything, all at once?

I don’t talk to many people. My kids are the main ones. Three of my kids faced that Saturn in Pisces energy. They turned to me with it. I am their mother. BUT, I don’t want to deal with it.

It hurts too much. I want to run from them.

Here comes Medea: it’s their journey, I can’t fix it, and I can’t walk away. 

They call me crying wanting me to fix it but there is nothing I can do. My children hurting is the only pain in the world that I can’t handle. I want to run but I know I can’t. I can’t cut them out of my life like I did the rest of the people & other family members.   So, I just stood in that pain, a lesson in allowing myself to feel it but not fix it. To allow others to own their journey through it too.

Gotta Love Medea.

A Candle & A Key,

Kaycee and The BadAsses at DGC

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